Humor 幽默

         有两个人在树林里走,看到了一个又黑又深的洞。一个人就捡起一块石头,把它扔到那个洞里,于是他就站在洞边上想听什么时候那石头碰到洞底。但是他听不到任 何声音。他就对他的同伴说,“这是一个很深的洞,让我们拿一块大一点的石头来试试。看看到底要多久才能碰到洞底。”他们就找了一块比较大的石头,把它推到 洞里。

         但是他们听了一阵子,还是没有听到任何声音。显然,这个洞一定很深。于是他们同意应该拿一个更大的东西来扔进洞里,再试试。一个人看到了一块铁路的枕木, 他们就把它嗨呀呼呀 地搬了过来,扔到那个洞里。可是,还是没有听到什么声音。突然,一只山羊从树林里飞了出来,速度之快像刮大风一样,从他们身边经过,直接飞进了那个洞里去 了。他们两人都什分惊讶,感到实在是件奇怪的事!正在这个时候,一个老农民从树林里跑出来,问他们是不是看到一只山羊。

          他们就告诉那个农民他们刚才亲眼目睹到的奇怪现象 - 那只会飞的山羊,直接从树林里飞出来,飞到那个洞里去了。他们就问那个农民,那只山羊是不是你的山羊。

        那老农民说,“不可能,那不是我的山羊。我的山羊是栓在一块大枕木上的。”


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         一天,上帝创造了狗。上帝说,“白天你要坐在你的家门口,夜里你如果看到有人进来或者走过,你就要咆哮。如果你同意的话,我让你有二十年的寿命。”

          狗就说,“要我咆哮那么长的时间吗?那太久了,给我十年就够了,另外那个十年我就不要了。”上帝说,可以。

           第二天,上帝创造了猴子。上帝说,“你要给人们耍把戏,做调皮动作,逗人们笑。如果这样的话,我给你二十年的寿命。”

          这猴子说,“那没有意思,要做调皮动作、逗人笑二十年?太多了。狗只要十年,那我也就与狗一样,十年就够了。”上帝就同意了。

         后来,上帝又创造了牛。上帝对牛说,你必须在田里与农夫在炎日之下耕作,生养小牛,还要给它们牛奶喝。如果这样的话,我给你六十年的寿命。

         牛说,“给我六十年过这么艰难的日子,那太长了。我只要二十年就够了,其余的四十年给回你吧。”上帝也同意了。

          后来,上帝创造了人。上帝说, “吃、睡、玩、结婚生养,享受你的生活。如果这样的话,我给你二十年的寿命。”人回答说,“怎么只有二十年!告诉你,我不仅要我的二十年,我还要牛给回你的四十年,我还要猴子给回你的十年,我还要狗给回你的十年。这样的话就有了八十年。行吗?”上帝说,行。于是就定下了。

        所以,这就是为什么在我们的最初二十年里,我们吃啊、睡啊,玩啊,全然享受;而接着的四十年,我们如牛一般劳累来抚养家庭;六十岁以后,我们如同猴子一下来逗我们的孙辈高兴;而最后的十年我们坐在门口,对每一个人咆哮!

Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole.  One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom.  There was no sound.  He turned to the other guy and said, “That must be a deep hole… let’s throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom.”   The men found a bigger rock, both picked it up, lugged it to the hole, and dropped it in. 

They listened for some time, but never heard a sound.  Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.  One man spotted a rail-road tie nearby.  They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole.  They tossed it in.  No sound.  All of a sudden, a goat flew out of the woods, running like the wind, flew past the men, and jumped straight into the hole.  The men were shocked and amazed.  About that time, an old hayseed farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat.

One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed…they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods running and leaping  into the big hole.  The man asked the farmer if this could have been his goat. 

The old farmer said, “Naw, that can’t be my goat… he was chained to a railroad tie.”

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One day, God created the dog.  God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That is too long to be barking.  Give me ten years and I’ll give back the other ten years.”  So God agreed.

The next day, God created the monkey.  God said, “Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh.  I’ll give you a twenty-year lifespan.”

The monkey said, “How boring -- monkey tricks for twenty years?  I don’t think so.  The Dog gave you back ten years, so that’s what I’ll do too, okay?”  And God agreed.

The day after that, God created the cow.  God said, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer.  I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.  Let me have twenty and I’ll give back the other forty years.”  And God agreed again. 

Then God created man.  God said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.  I’ll give you twenty years.”  Man said, “What?  Only twenty years?!  Tell you what, I’ll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back … that makes eighty years!  Is that okay?”  Okay, said God, “You’ve got a deal.”

So, that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years after that, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone!

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