Dating: Single and Looking for “The One” in America 红娘 – 单身贵族在美国寻找另外一半

找对象不是一件容易的事情。对二十几岁的人来说,找对象不容易;对于那些离异的和丧偶的人,又从新回到“单身”,找对象也不是一件容易的事情。那到底是在二十几岁的时候找对象难呢,还是到过来五十岁难呢?在美国,找对象又是怎么一回事呢?

詹森是一个22岁的大学生,他是一个聪明、英俊的年轻人。他说,“这真是很难。在大学里,女孩子到处都是 校园里、图书馆里、学校的餐厅里,每一个地方都有女孩子。 毕业以后,你不知道该到哪里去发现女孩子。再说,我的经济不宽裕,但是我总觉得,如果与女孩子出去玩的时候所花的费用我应该付。然而,我却在为我将来上研究院存钱。”

情况对于一个五十岁离异的哈德是不是好一些呢?“什么是找对象的难点呢?那就是女人,就是当女人不告诉你她真的是在想什么。比如,我那刚告吹了的女朋友吧,她常常问我有关我以前几个女朋友的问题。当我真的回答她的时候,她就生气,责怪我在说另外一个女人。”

在美国,也有网上的“红娘”来帮助男女单身贵族。eHarmony 是一个受欢迎的红娘网站。通常这些红娘网站会让你填写一份调查表,然后再写一段来描写一下你自己。其他人就可以从你写的来了解你。

在对自己描写的地方,人们通常会作虚假的有哪些呢?常见的是:男人虚报身高,而女士会把自己描述的更苗条。

很久以前,西格姆·弗洛伊德(1856-1939, 奥地利神经学家 译者注)说过,“女士们要什么?她们要三件事:尊重、时间、对话。男士们要什么呢?他们要爱和理解。”


讨论问题:

1. 在你个国家和你的环境中,找对象时什么样的情况?是不是像文章中所说的那样困难呢?怎么样的呢?

2. 如果你是已经成家了,是不是可以请你谈谈你的恋爱经历?

3. 有没有什么单身贵族可以相遇的地方?

4. 人们是不是用红娘网站找对象?

5. 你心中的白马王子/公主是个什么样的人呢?


Dating is difficult.  It’s difficult for people in their twenties.  It’s difficult for the “newly single” – People who have divorced, or widows, whose partners have died later in life.  So, is it more difficult to date in your twenties, or when you’re over fifty years old?  What’s dating like in the United States?

Jason, a twenty-two-year-old college graduate, is an intelligent, good-looking young man.  He says, “It’s hard.  In college, women are everywhere – campus libraries, campus restaurants, everywhere.  After college, you don’t know where to go.  I also don’t have a lot of money.  I feel like I should pay for everything, but I’m saving my money for graduate school.”

Are things any easier for Art, a fifty-year-old man who is divorced?  “What’s difficult about dating?  Women.  When women don’t tell you how they really feel.  For example, my last girlfriend used to ask me questions about my previous girlfriends.  When I answered, she got angry because I was talking about other women.”

There are online dating sites to help them both.  eHarmony is a popular online dating site.  On many of these sites, you can fill out a questionnaire, and write a description of yourself.  Others can see it.

What do people lie about the most on these descriptions?  Men lie about their height.  Women lie about their weight.

Many decades ago, Sigmund Freud asked, “What do women want?”  According to top dating sites, women want three things: respect, time, and communication.  What do men want?  They want love and understanding.


Discussion questions:

1. What is it like for a single person looking for a spouse in your country or culture?  Is it as difficult as the article suggests about finding a mate in America?  How so?
2. If you are married, will you share with the class how you met your spouse?
3. What are some places that single people go to meet other singles?  
4. Do people use on-line matchmaking services?
5. What do you look for in a mate?
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