12 Tips for Making Small Talk 与人寒暄的十二个要点

在斯坦福商学院的一个报告里追踪了一批工商管理硕士毕业以后的十年时间,有什么结果呢?发觉:在校的平均成绩并没有在他们的工作成功与否中起主导的作用,倒是他们与人交谈的能力起了作用。

根据《寒暄的最佳艺术》(又可译为《芳恩的寒暄艺术》)的作者黛布拉˙芳恩,通过寒暄进而有好的人际关系,这可以是成功的开始。曾经是位当过工程师的芳恩记得,她在人际网络活动中感到那么的不自在,以至于她躲进了厕所里。现在她是一位专业的演说人才,芳恩说,能够通过寒暄来建立良好的人际关系,这是一个应该有的习惯。

芳恩和她的一些权威人士谈到了以下有关怎样开始谈话,怎样结束谈话的一些要点:

1.每当你预备的时候,准备三件自己可以讲的内容;再准备四个普通的问题,这就给别人准备了话题。如果你曾经遇见过主人,尽量记住一些与她有关的事情,比如她所热衷的运动项目,或者她与你共同参与过的慈善事业。

2.先与别人打招呼。如果你不能确定对方是否记得你的名字,你就先说我是某某人,这样的话,气氛就很自然了。比如,“您是查而斯˙巴鲁特吧?我是玲˙舒密特……能够又一次见到您,真是荣幸。”要先对人微笑,见到人的时候,总是先伸处手来与对方握手。

3.介绍自己的时候,要从从容容。尽一切努力来记住别人的名字,而且经常使用名字来称呼别人。

4.寒暄时可以谈谈这次活动的内容和活动的地点,这种大家都会感兴趣的话题,这样也就有机会让对方说说话,然后可以再问一些相关的问题。比如,“这一次来参加的人比上一次多;您来过这样的活动几次了?”你也可以问一问对方到这个地方路程或者是怎么认识这次活动的主人,这一类的问题。

5.集中精力听对方的讲话,并发表自己的感想。如果有人与你说话,一定要始终保持眼神的接触,不要东张西望。

6.多听少说。

7.准备一些有趣的话题可以随时提出来。让自己与时推移,了解最新消息,这样就能有很多新的内容来带出一个新的话题,“你想这个……怎么样?”“你有没有听说……?”“那个……你怎么认为?”但是避免谈论消极的或者有争议的话题,也不要讲什么冗长的故事。随意的交谈不需要讲得太深入细致。

8.如果你非常想与某一些人见面,最好是由一位他们所尊重的人引见。请你和他都认识的人来把你引见给他。

9.当有人向你递上一张名片,要用双手把他的名片作为礼物接受下来,然后花一点时间看清楚上面是怎么写的。之后,把他的名片放在衬衣口袋,皮夹或者手提包里,表示要好好地收藏这有价值的礼品。

10.        注意你身体姿势和表情。如果一个人显示出一副病态 ,那就很容易让对方感到不舒服。无论在什么情况下都要表现得自信而且精神充沛。

11.        别人已经在交谈了,不要急于加入,先观察,先听。不要不识时务地硬挤进去,或者作一些不恰当的评论。

12.        准备好一些退场时的句子,这样你就可以很斯文地换到别处寒暄。比如,“我要到那边去看看我的一个客户”,“我今天没吃午餐,所以我要去餐桌上拿点吃的”,你也可以表示要为对方去拿一些饮料。

在什么时候你应该结束你与别人的寒暄?根据常被人们称为“茗玲˙玛文”的作家和演说家苏珊˙罗安,寒暄的目的是为了让所有与你寒暄过的人留下一个良好的印象,让他们想要与你继续谈谈。为了达到这目的,她劝告大家要做到:阳光,简短,让人留恋。

来源:CareerBuilder.com




讨论问题:

1.你是不是觉得学习怎样有良好的寒暄是重要的?为什么?

2.从这片文章里,什么是你学到的新东西?

3.在和寒暄中,你另外还有什么样的指教是在这篇文章里没有提到的?

A study at the Stanford University School of Business tracked a group of MBAs 10 years after they graduated.  The result?  Grade point averages had no bearing on their success -- but their ability to converse with others did.


Being able to connect with others through small talk can lead to big things, according to Debra Fine, author of 'The Fine Art of Small Talk.' A former engineer, Fine recalls being so uncomfortable at networking events that she would hide in the restroom. Now a professional speaker, Fine says the ability to connect with people through small talk is an acquired skill.

Fine and her fellow authorities on schmoozing offer the following tips for starting -- and ending -- conversations:

1. As you prepare for a function, come up with three things to talk about as well as four generic questions that will get others talking. If you've met the host before, try to remember things about her, such as her passion for a sport or a charity you're both involved in.

2. Be the first to say "hello." If you're not sure the other person will remember you, offer your name to ease the pressure.  For example, "Charles Bartlett?  Lynn Schmidt... good to see you again."  Smile first and always shake hands when you meet someone.

3. Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember names and use them frequently.

4. Get the other person talking by leading with a common ground statement regarding the event or location and then asking a related open-ended question. For example, "Attendance looks higher than last year, how long have you been coming to these conventions?" You can also ask them about their trip in or how they know the host.

5. Stay focused on your conversational partner by actively listening and giving feedback. Maintain eye contact. Never glance around the room while they are talking to you.

6. Listen more than you talk.

7. Have something interesting to contribute. Keeping abreast of current events and culture will provide you with great conversation builders, leading with "What do you think of...?" Have you heard...?" What is your take on...?" Stay away from negative or controversial topics, and refrain from long-winded stories or giving a lot of detail in casual conversation.

8. If there are people you especially want to meet, one of the best ways to approach them is to be introduced by someone they respect. Ask a mutual friend to do the honors.

9. If someone hands you a business card, accept it as a gift. Hold it in both hands and take a moment to read what is written on it. When you're done, put it away in a shirt pocket, purse or wallet to show it is valued.

10. Watch your body language. People who look ill at ease make others uncomfortable. Act confident and comfortable, even when you're not.

11. Before entering into a conversation that's already in progress, observe and listen. You don't want to squash the dynamics with an unsuited or ill-timed remark.

12. Have a few exit lines ready, so that you can both gracefully move on. For example, "I need to check in with a client over there," "I skipped lunch today, so I need to visit the buffet," or you can offer to refresh their drink.

When should you exit a conversation? According to Susan RoAne, author and speaker known as the "Mingling Maven," your objective in all encounters should be to make a good impression and leave people wanting more. To do that, she advises: "Be bright. Be brief. Be gone."

Source:  CareerBuilder.com


Discussion Questions:

1.   Do you think it is important to learn to make small talk?  Why or why not?

2.    What is something new that you learned from this article?

3.   What are some other helpful advices you would give in making small talk that is not mentioned in the article?

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